my stomach and chest hurt and my entire body is shaking, i’ve the urge or throw up in any moment and i’m holding my tears to not make everything worse and i’m trying to calm my mind to stop rhe urge of cut again

i don’t know how much time i can keep this feeling inside, this feeling of not be part of somewhere or someone, this deep feeling of despair and loneliness, this sensation of being digusted by my entire body and by everything about me. i know that probably in 1 or 2 days i’ll feel normal again, waiting for the next breakdown that i know will come, so what’s the point of keep doing this, why i keep keeping inside all the emotions and words i need to express to feel less miserable. why i’m even trying when at this point i don’t care anymore. i don’t care about me or others, i don’t even know if i keep caring or loving anymore. everything is upside down, everything is a complete disaster around me, and a single a little mistake can shatter my world in seconds